Thursday, January 29, 2009

Blonde Jokes


Thanks for my Cousin Carol for sending these to me... My hair is a light mousy reddish brown (with added gray for maturity--ha) --but my hubby calls me a blonde. Wonder why that is???? Helllllllllooooooo!
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more.
She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watchdogs!!! (Tee Hee Hee)



+++++++++++++++++
George and I are headed to Hendersonville today to check on Mom and Dad. SO--we won't be here to respond to your blogs or answer your comments. BUT--we'll be home sometime tonight!!! Have a wonderful day!!!! Hugs to all!

41 comments:

Kallen305 said...

LOL!! Those were all SO funny! Thanks for putting the first smile on my face today!

Peggy said...

thanks for the laughs!! Have a wonderful day!

Cedar ... said...

I'm laughing out loud,... and i've heard most of them before. My beautiful granddaughter is a natural blond,.. and smart as a whip, but even she loves blonde jokes! Thanks for starting my day with a smile!

Daisy said...

ha ha ha ha! These are great Betsy! Thanks for the laughs!

Have a good trip today! :D

Shellmo said...

Betsy - great laughs this morning!
Have a good visit and drive safe!!

~Vanessa~ said...

Cute. Thanks for sharing; it's good to smile.

Mildred said...

Well, I'm smiling from ear to ear this morning. These were very cute. Wishing you and George safe travel and hope you find George's parents safe and happy.

The Incredible Woody said...

Loved those jokes! Have a safe trip!!

FIONA said...

;-) So nice to have some giggles with my morning coffee.

A friend of mine is blond, and has a great sense of humor. She has a tee shirt that says," Talk slowly, I'm a natural blond." She is also one of the smartest people I know, which makes the shirt even funnier,

Hope your trip is safe.

amelia said...

These are all so funny!! I had a good laugh which always makes me feel good!!

Thank you!!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Those are so funny and I don't take them personally!!! :)
Have a great visit!!!

Small City Scenes said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Too funny.

I have right brain dominancy. I figured as much. But I'm not blond. MB

Smilingsal said...

Thanks for the laughs.

Susie said...

Those were so funny Betsy. I think some of the best blonde jokes I have ever heard. At first I thought I liked the car trouble one the best but then the broken finger is pretty hard to beat.

Hope you and George have a great day!

Patty said...

Those are really cute. I always tell people that I have blonde roots and that is why I am so ditzy ha ha. Also I wanted to say thanks for your words of support on my post about my disclaimer.

Diane said...

Thanks for the laughs, Betsy. Have a safe trip.

NCmountainwoman said...

These jokes never get old.

Have a safe journey.

Cicero Sings said...

Thanks for the fun this morning. I hope you had a good trip and that you found all well at that end.

Who'd a thunk to post some jokes!!

Ruth's Photo Blog said...

Everyone needs a laugh a day,thanks for giving me several today.I got all the jokes,does that mean I'm not blonde?Silver is almost like blone.LOL
Blessings,Ruth

ShabbyInTheCity said...

You're killin' me Betsy!
I copied and emailed the pull-over one :)

Jen said...

Funny!
Someone once told me that they could not imagine me as a blonde.
I took it as a compliment. LOL.

Deborah Godin said...

We'll still be laughing when you get back...

Rose said...

Wait till Neal sees this...he loves blond jokes. I send him all I get...I saw a couple new ones here!

Michele said...

Well well well... I am a blonde person but that's ok. I love blonde jokes and these are awesome! You had me giggling to these and I can really use the chuckles!

(Hugs)

Raymonty said...

Thank you for the funny jokes and your interesting article; it is good to laugh once in awhile.

Rosa said...

Funny! Safe return.

Betty said...

Cute blonde jokes. I hope you have had a good day in Hendersonville and found your in-laws well and happy.

Neal said...

Have you seen the ad where a blonde walks into the library and walks up to the desk and says "I want a hamburger and a french fry" in a real loud voice. The lady looks at her and says "Lady, this is a library" so the blonde whispers real low "I want a hamburger and a french fry".

Leedra said...

I had a blast with these....thanks for the laughs! I needed them all!

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karin said...

These were a real hoot!! Hope you had a wonderful day!

Mary Isabella and Kiley too! said...

My husband and I loved these...hugs...m..

Denise said...

You are such a sweetheart! I don't know how you find the time with all of the activities that you do.

Wren said...

Here's another for your collection:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DctVteQDRIM

lola said...

ROFLOL!!Thanks bunches. I needed that. Laughing out loud is good for the soul. Hysterical? Keep it up.
Hope you found parents doing well & that you had a safe trip.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Thanks to all for stopping by today!!! I am glad I could put a smile on your face.

We had a good trip to and from Hendersonville... We found George's parents in fairly good shape (for their ages). Dad is 96--and looked very tired today and frustrated. Mom is almost 89--and she was her usual smiling self. But--she does have a raspy throat --which worried me a little. We took them to dinner--and both ate well. SO---all in all, it was a nice visit. They are truly two very amazing older adults.

This Country Girl said...

Thanks for the laugh, Betsy!

Tammy

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Glad you enjoyed my crazy jokes, Tammy. We ALL need to laugh alot!!!!

Bj said...

Hi ! I haven't heard any of these before and I think they're great. Hope all is well in Hendersonville.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Hi BJ, We found George's parents in fairly good shape when we went to Hendersonville. They are both getting more and more feeble--but hey, look how old they are (96 and almost 89). Glad you enjoyed my jokes!!!!

fishing guy said...

Betsy: Those were really keepers.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

I thought they were cute also, Tom. We all need to smile on occasion, don't we????